Chapter 15

*I'm so sorry it took me so long to post an update. I had a basketball camp and work to take care of first. Sorry, but that's priority. Now, I feel like I'm on a role. Here's another chapter. :)

Jess's Point of View
The day of my surgery, I awoke to the smell of waffles and an empty, hungry stomach, but because I had to have general anesthesia, I couldn’t eat anything. All I could have was water, which didn’t really do much to ease the hunger pangs that were coming every few minutes. I rolled over in bed to see that Sid wasn’t there. I didn’t really want to go downstairs and be tempted by the food I could smell all the way up here, so I just laid there, wrapped up tightly in the blankets until around 10:00 when Sid came upstairs. He had cleared it with Therrien to miss their morning skate today so he could take me to the hospital. I watched him walk down the hallway towards his room, and I realized I wouldn’t be walking for quite some time. He wandered into the room, probably to see if I was awake yet, and upon discovering that I was, he crawled back into bed with me without a word. I felt his arms encompass my waist and pull me to him, creating one of the safest places I could ever be.
“It’s really happening today,” I whispered into his chest, the gravity of the situation finally hitting me. All his stress, everything he was worried about, suddenly made sense to me.
He didn’t say anything, but just stroked my back and placed kisses along my neck and shoulder to soothe me. I was still anxious and nervous, but just having him there created an altogether better atmosphere.
At 11:00, we left for the hospital. I held his hand the whole way there, my knuckles turning white from the pressure I was exerting. Words weren’t exchanged on the ride there; all he did was draw soothing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I had a blanket wrapped around me, longing for the feeling of Sid’s arms in its place. When we got to the hospital, I got out of the car and just stood there, looking at the building, a knot building in the pit of my stomach.
“Jess?” Sid asked, coming around the front of the car to me.
“I can’t do it,” I said, anxiety ripping through my voice. I ran my hands through my already tangled hair and paced in a circle. “This-this is way too hard,” I stuttered. I began to feel light-headed and I had to lean against the Range Rover to steady myself. I bet it was from the lack of food. Sid took me in his arms, creating the feeling I wanted most, and said, “Jess, listen, we’ve been over this. You have to do this. You can do it. I promise you’ll be OK. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.” My head was buried in the crook of his shoulder and I could feel the tears coming on, running off the material of his windbreaker.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” I sniffled. “I can do this. I’ve got this.” I pulled myself together and wiped my eyes off, tightening the blanket around me, and walked into the hospital, with Sid’s arm around my waist. Once inside, I couldn’t sit still. I was walking around all the chairs they had set up in the waiting area, biting my nails, a habit I had long since stopped. Sid was at the reception desk talking to the women about how long my surgery would take and all the other essential details.
“Jess Spade?” A woman called when I was on my 5th lap around the chairs, a smile on her face. How the fuck could she be smiling? I asked myself. My stomach dropped and Sid led me through the door the woman was holding open for me, his right arm around my waist, and his left hand holding my own left hand out in front of me. I stood there in a daze until she directed me to the left, to a curtained-off room where she then told me to change into a hospital gown before leaving us there in the confines of this little room.
“Come on baby,” Sid said, picking up the bag that held the gown while I sat on the bed. I let him pull my shirt over my head and unclasp my bra as my hands deftly pulled my sweats off. I felt like I was undressing myself for my own funeral. There was such a sickly feeling in the air; I could feel it closing in on me, like it was trying to suffocate me. I finally got the gown on myself and was lying on the bed with Sid hovering over me, holding my hand, when the nurse came back. The first thing she did when she walked back into the room was hook up the heart monitor. To my surprise, my heart wasn’t racing like I thought it would be, it seemed to be beating pretty calmly.
“Now, I have to put the IV in,” she said, unwrapping what looked to be a very large needle.
“Oh God,” I said, trying to stay calm, but by looking at the heart monitor, anyone could tell I wasn’t. It looked like I was seizing, but really, I was just extremely scared.
“I need you to make a fist with your hand so I can find a vein,” the nurse, whose nametag read Julie, said. I squeezed my eyes shut, and made the fist, tears leaking out of my tightly shut eyes. I felt Sid’s hands on my face, wiping the tears away, and willing me to be brave. My breathing was coming quickly now as Julie pushed into the crook of my arm with the needle. I shuddered and opened my eyes, but as I did, I began to feel woozy.
“I’m going to give you the drugs now so you can relax,” she said.
“But, no. I want. Sidney, stay,” was all I could manage before my stomach dropped like I was on a roller coaster and everything went black.
-
Sidney’s Point of View
I sat by her until it was time for her surgery and the nurses threw me out. My stomach was doing flips in the waiting room, and I was making the same rounds she had before she went back. I was walking around those same chairs, biting my own nails. What if something goes wrong? What if they can’t fix her knee? All theses questions were flashing through my mind, and I couldn’t control them. They kept coming. What if she can’t walk again? What if she can’t play basketball anymore? I had to sit. I knew those weren't going to happen, but I couldn't keep myself from thinking them. I leaned over in the chair, my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I looked at the clock. 1:00; her surgery started at 12:00. The women had said the surgery took about 2 hours. Only one hour left.
-
Jess’s Point of View
When I came to, my doctor was standing over me.
“Did you fix my meniscus?” I asked, barely conscious. If he fixed it, that meant I was on crutches for 3 weeks, if not, only 1.
“I was able to fix your meniscus and your ACL,” he said, sympathy in his voice. I couldn’t keep myself awake any longer, and I succumbed to the blackness of morphine once again.
-
“Can you help her put her clothes and everything back on?” I heard a nurse ask when I resurfaced from the blackness.
“Yeah, I can do it,” I heard Sidney say. He sounded tired. I opened my eyes, and he was right there. I wanted to cry, sob, knowing that now was the hardest part of this whole ordeal.
“I can’t feel my leg. I can’t move it,” I said, the panic rising up my throat, constricting what voice I had left.
“They blocked your leg completely when you were out. They said the feeling would return in a few days,” he said as he took my clothes out of the bag the hospital gown was in hours ago. My stomach felt like someone was squeezing it, not a queasy feeling, but the feeling you get right before you cry. I squeezed my eyes as tight as possible, trying to keep myself from crying, and laid there as Sid got all of my clothes out. At one point, I had to help get the sweats on over the huge brace that was now occupying my right knee by actually, physically lifting my right leg myself; just grabbing it and pulling up to move it. I slipped the gown over my head and grabbed for my bra and T-shirt. Sid handed me the bra and slid the shirt over my head after I had the bra on. “Are you ready?” he asked, holding my hand for the first time in what seemed like ages. I nodded, even though I was still dizzy. I just wanted to go back to his house and relax. We planned that I wouldn’t stay in the dorm with Melissa because I would be too much trouble to have there in that small space.
How they got me out of the bed is still a mystery to me. I must have sat up and dragged my leg off the side of the bed because the next thing I knew I was being wheeled outside to Sid’s Range Rover that was conveniently parked right outside the door, and on my way to Sidney’s house, where, little did know, the worst was yet to come.